STATE OF THE EMPIRE 2007 with quips! Pt 7a

OK, I'm going to try really hard to get through this and make it the last part of the State of the Empire 2007 with quips series. It's hard since there is simply so much to take issue with. But, hey, I do what I can.

This is not the fight we entered in Iraq, but it is the fight we are in.

Yeah, yeah and we go to war with the military we have, not the military we wish we had. You know, you make excuses like that more than once and people begin to think you're not good at planning ahead. Especially since your dad warned you about this before the Iraq Attack even happened.

Every one of us wishes that this war were over and won.

Two words. Well, one word and one letter: LIE-R! Everyone thinks you went into Iraq without a plan but the real truth is that this is all going according to plan. Do you know how many bullets have been fired? How many grenades thrown? How many shells fired from tanks and how many things need to be used just to sustain a war? All those bullets, shells, grenades and more come from companies that people like Bush work for before and after they hold public office. You watch, when Bush finishes his time in the White House (if we let him) he'll go work for a company like the Carlyle Group. They invest heavily in the military industrial complex and benefit from every time Bush says "throw more troops at the problem". Bush will be treated very well by Carlyle just like [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carlyle_Group|his father was]. So a mess in Iraq means buckets of money paid to military contractors which means Carlyle makes buckets of money, too. Is Bush that cold and inhuman that he'd go to war on, at best, shaky evidence? If it means he'll be ridiculously rich for the rest of his life? Sure. It's either that or he's a first class moron for going to war on, at best, shaky evidence.

Yet it would not be like us to leave our promises unkept,

Spellcheck says "unkept" isn't a word!

our friends abandoned, and our own security at risk.

I don't think we have any friends left in Iraq. I'm just guessing.

Ladies and gentlemen: On this day, at this hour, it is still within our power to shape the outcome of this battle.

I'd laugh if I didn't think Bush's detachment from reality wasn't so scary. Whether it's intentional or not when a "leader" as powerful as Bush tells us something that is clearly not reality, we should all worry.

So let us find our resolve, and turn events toward victory.

"Let us find our resolve?" It resolved that this is a lost cause.

We are carrying out a new strategy in Iraq – a plan that demands more from Iraq's elected government, and gives our forces in Iraq the reinforcements they need to complete their mission.

No, it doesn't. It just puts off the inevitable. This "plan" will fail just like the others have. I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being REALISTIC.

Our goal is a democratic Iraq that upholds the rule of law, respects the rights of its people, provides them security, and is an ally in the war on terror.

Instead of a home to the terror we're trying to fight. Yeah and too bad we don't do most of those things anymore. The USG has managed to drop the rule of law in a lot of cases (like torture, secret prisons, covert propaganda, etc) allowed 911 to happen (no security there) and generally scared the shit out of most of us when the odds are still huge against ever SEEING a terrorist in person, let alone being killed by one.

In order to make progress toward this goal, the Iraqi government must stop the sectarian violence in its capital.

Yeah, so why are we staying to help them?

But the Iraqis are not yet ready to do this on their own.

And who's fault is that?

So we are deploying reinforcements of more than 20,000 additional soldiers and Marines to Iraq.

Don't forget the tens of thousands more you'll have to deploy with them to provide support!

The vast majority will go to Baghdad, where they will help Iraqi forces to clear and secure neighborhoods, and serve as advisers embedded in Iraqi Army units.

Ah, there's that phrase again from the speech you gave announcing your new plan for Iraq: "clear and secure neighborhoods". I'm still wondering what that means. Once they're cleared (of people), do you even need to secure them? How do you clear them, anyway? Do I want to know?

With Iraqis in the lead, our forces will help secure the city by chasing down terrorists, insurgents, and roaming death squads.

You mean the roaming death squads wearing Iraqi police uniforms?

And in Anbar province – where al Qaeda terrorists have gathered and local forces have begun showing a willingness to fight them – we are sending an additional 4,000 United States Marines, with orders to find the terrorists and clear them out.

Yeah, that plan has worked so well with the rest of Iraq. Why not try it again?

We did not drive al Qaeda out of their safe haven in Afghanistan only to let them set up a new safe haven in a free Iraq.

Uh, actually, that's exactly what you did. Saddam didn't like AQ folks in his country anymore than we liked AQ folks in ours.

The people of Iraq want to live in peace, and now is the time for their government to act.

Well, I agree with you there, but I think they should just kick the US out. The Iraqi government should show their citizens that they have a pair and just boot those American boots off of Iraqi ground.

Iraq's leaders know that our commitment is not open ended.

It isn't? But I thought the Global War On Terror was going to last decades!

They have promised to deploy more of their own troops to secure Baghdad – and they must do so.

"Or WHAT? Uh, I mean OR ELSE!" Seriously, though... or what will happen?

They have pledged that they will confront violent radicals of any faction or political party. They need to follow through, and lift needless restrictions on Iraqi and Coalition forces, so these troops can achieve their mission of bringing security to all of the people of Baghdad.

Yes, Iraq's government should lead the way in doing what we tell them!

Iraq's leaders have committed themselves to a series of benchmarks to achieve reconciliation – to share oil revenues among all of Iraq's citizens ... to put the wealth of Iraq into the rebuilding of Iraq ... to allow more Iraqis to re-enter their nation's civic life ... to hold local elections ... and to take responsibility for security in every Iraqi province.

Juuust keep telling us shit like that I'm sure a few of us will believe you.

But for all of this to happen, Baghdad must be secured. And our plan will help the Iraqi government take back its capital and make good on its commitments.

"Take back its capital"? I thought we took it and couldn't keep it violence free. Aren't we just giving it to them in a much worse state than we took it in? That seems pretty lame, but in my humble opinion the only option open to us.

My fellow citizens, our military commanders and I have carefully weighed the options. We discussed every possible approach.

You discussed ASS. "No trust me, I'm a really good leader! Really!"

In the end, I chose this course of action because it provides the best chance of success.

"At least, that's what the voices in my head are telling me. They also tell me I need to protect my precious bodily fluids."

Many in this chamber understand that America must not fail in Iraq – because you understand that the consequences of failure would be grievous and far reaching.

Uh, well, first, we've already failed and second, if we pulled out of Iraq fast, all of our enemies would declare victory and probably stop trying to hurt us. I mean, they have Iraq, right? Why would they keep going after us once we got out of the Middle East? They'd have many fewer gripes about us after that. If anything we'd be helping our security by giving up on Iraq.

If American forces step back before Baghdad is secure, the Iraqi government would be overrun by extremists on all sides.

YEP! And it would be our fault for pulling out. However, if we stay in, that will happen AND we'll lose more American lives. History will blame the Bush administration for this mess, the Democrats for doing so little to stop it and the American people for being lied to. Seems like I can live with that. But if we stay in Iraq, a lot of people will die anyway.

We could expect an epic battle between Shia extremists backed by Iran, and Sunni extremists aided by al Qaeda and supporters of the old regime. A contagion of violence could spill out across the country – and in time the entire region could be drawn into the conflict.

Wow, yeah, that really sucks, man. Of course, this was always a danger. Of course, you didn't think about the actual dangers of going into Iraq, just the imaginary ones of staying out. Once again, your fault.

For America, this is a nightmare scenario.

Yep, but most of the time we wake up from nightmares. You, King George, seem to still be dreaming.

For the enemy, this is the objective. Chaos is their greatest ally in this struggle.

Really? I thought their greatest ally was Americans talking shit about their leaders.

And out of chaos in Iraq, would emerge an emboldened enemy with new safe havens... new recruits ... new resources ... and an even greater determination to harm America.

Why? In all of this discussion of "emboldening" no one has ever asked or explained WHY they hate us so much. And don't try that "They hate our freedoms" riff, that shit is so for children. Give me an explanation that makes sense to adults. My guess is that they hate us because we meddle in other countries affairs and they think our ways are corrupting theirs. Perhaps they're right. That doesn't mean they're right to want to hurt us, but perhaps we could be a bit cooler to our fellow humans in the middle east and stop mucking about in their affairs. Just a suggestion, of course. I know you're "The Decider."

To allow this to happen would be to ignore the lessons of September 11th and invite tragedy.

THERE IT IS AGAIN! Do what I say or 911 WILL HAPPEN AGAIN!! WOOOGIE BOOGIE BOOGIE! SCAAAAARY 911!!

And ladies and gentlemen, nothing is more important at this moment in our history than for America to succeed in the Middle East ... to succeed in Iraq ... and to spare the American people from this danger.

No, actually, I believe the most important thing at this moment in our history is to impeach you because if we don't we'll be setting a really bad example for our future leaders that tells them: 1) It's OK if election results are clear as a bell and cast in stone 2) It's OK to invade a sovereign country that is a member of the UN (it isn't, of course). 3) It's OK to torture, lie and kidnap people to secret prisons OH and it's OK, to spy on your own citizens, too.

This is where matters stand tonight, in the here and now. I have spoken with many of you in person. I respect you and the arguments you have made.

Oh, come on! Who in "this room" believes that?

We went into this largely united – in our assumptions, and in our convictions.

"Assumptions" is right and those assumptions were WRONG. Only a fool stays with assumptions he/she knows to be wrong.

And whatever you voted for, you did not vote for failure.

Too bad that's what you delivered.

Our country is pursuing a new strategy in Iraq – and I ask you to give it a chance to work. And I ask you to support our troops in the field – and those on their way.

We are all supporting the troops--what anyone with a brain is NOT doing is supporting your plans.

The war on terror we fight today is a generational struggle that will continue long after you and I have turned our duties over to others.

That's pretty funny considering this struggle seemed pretty much nonexistant before the US invaded Iraq.

That is why it is important to work together so our Nation can see this great effort through. Both parties and both branches should work in close consultation.

All two parties! THANK GOD FOR THE TWO PARTY SYSTEM.

And this is why I propose to establish a special advisory council on the war on terror, made up of leaders in Congress from both political parties.

Yeah, FUCK independents man--they don't know SHIT. What's the emoticon for rolling your eyes, anyway?

We will share ideas for how to position America to meet every challenge that confronts us. And we will show our enemies abroad that we are united in the goal of victory.

But we're not.

One of the first steps we can take together is to add to the ranks of our military – so that the American Armed Forces are ready for all the challenges ahead. Tonight I ask the Congress to authorize an increase in the size of our active Army and Marine Corps by 92,000 in the next five years.

Yep! We need more people to die! Who wants to volunteer? I think it's funny that the US Constitution actually says there shouldn't be a standing military for the United States :)

A second task we can take on together is to design and establish a volunteer Civilian Reserve Corps. Such a corps would function much like our military reserve. It would ease the burden on the Armed Forces by allowing us to hire civilians with critical skills to serve on missions abroad when America needs them.

Uh, you already outsource a huge amount of the war effort. If anyone reading this hasn't heard of [http://www.blackwaterusa.com/|Blackwater] you should definitely do some research. That said, why do we need a law officially sanctioning this practice?

And it would give people across America who do not wear the uniform a chance to serve in the defining struggle of our time.

Oh, we're already struggling against you and your administration.

Americans can have confidence in the outcome of this struggle – because we are not in this struggle alone. We have a diplomatic strategy that is rallying the world to join in the fight against extremism.

Yeah, but, we're making them want to fight our own extremism.

In Iraq, multinational forces are operating under a mandate from the United Nations –

Sure they are...

and we are working with Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, and the Gulf States to increase support for Iraq's government. The United Nations has imposed sanctions on Iran, and made it clear that the world will not allow the regime in Tehran to acquire nuclear weapons.

Sanctions weren't good enough for you on Iraq, why will they be good enough for you on Iran?

With the other members of the Quartet – the UN, the European Union, and Russia – we are pursuing diplomacy to help bring peace to the Holy Land, and pursuing the establishment of a democratic Palestinian state living side-by-side with Israel in peace and security.

Yeah, how's all that going for ya? A terrorist organization was elected to power in Palestine and the Israeli president is in very hot water for some sort of wacky sex scandal.

In Afghanistan, NATO has taken the lead in turning back the Taliban and al Qaeda offensive –

And how's that working out? Not well, huh? Taleban making a bit of a comeback?

the first time the Alliance has deployed forces outside the North Atlantic area. Together with our partners in China, Japan, Russia, and South Korea, we are pursuing intensive diplomacy to achieve a Korean Peninsula free of nuclear weapons.

And how's THAT going for ya? NoKo still has the Nukes, don't they? Awww... it seems like all of your plans aren't working!

And we will continue to speak out for the cause of freedom in places like Cuba, Belarus, and Burma – and continue to awaken the conscience of the world to save the people of Darfur.

Uh-huh, yeah... sure. Why not free the people of Mars, too?

American foreign policy is more than a matter of war and diplomacy.

Uh... that's pretty much all it is these days, with an emphasis on the former.

Our work in the world is also based on a timeless truth: To whom much is given, much is required.

Wait, are you describing yourself, now? Because if you are, AWESOME!!

We hear the call to take on the challenges of hunger, poverty, and disease – and that is precisely what America is doing.

Oh yeah? Are we spending $1 trillion on the cures for cancer and AIDS? Oh, no--we're spending that much on war.

We must continue to fight HIV/AIDS, especially on the continent of Africa – and because you funded our Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief, the number of people receiving life-saving drugs has grown from 50,000 to more than 800,000 in three short years.

Wow--the USG caring about black folks? There's a very happy ice cube in hell right now.

I ask you to continue funding our efforts to fight HIV/AIDS. I ask you to provide $1.2 billion over five years so we can combat malaria in 15 African countries.

I don't have anything against treating people with diseases, but wouldn't it be better if we spent money on developing cures?

I ask that you fund the Millennium Challenge Account, so that American aid reaches the people who need it, in nations where democracy is on the rise and corruption is in retreat.

So, we won't see any of that money in America, huh?

And let us continue to support the expanded trade and debt relief that are the best hope for lifting lives and eliminating poverty.

Those two phrases contradict one another. You can't expand trade and relieve debt. If you go relieving debt you'll just be giving away money which will turn around and harm the economy. Besides, don't you want the World Bank to collect all those juicy interest payments?

When America serves others in this way, we show the strength and generosity of our country. These deeds reflect the character of our people.

What if generosity is defined differently by the people on the ass end of our generosity? Like say, if there were some people we were trying to give freedom to, only they defined freedom differently from us--wouldn't they kind of be pissed that we were forcing our version of freedom on them? Or should we simply expect everyone to define freedom the same way as us? We're right and everyone else is wrong?

The greatest strength we have is the heroic kindness, courage, and self sacrifice of the American people.

Uh-huh. Is that why we did nothing during the genocide in Rwanda back in the 1990s? Is that why we have done next to nothing in Sudan? Dude, stop with the smoke-blowing up our asses. There are Americans who actually believe some of the shit your shoveling. Show me one country we've actually helped. And if there are white people who live there, that doesn't count.

You see this spirit often if you know where to look – and tonight we need only look above to the gallery.

Oh boy, here comes Bush's whore...

Dikembe Mutombo grew up in Africa, amid great poverty and disease. He came to Georgetown University on a scholarship to study medicine – but Coach John Thompson got a look at Dikembe and had a different idea.

Yeah, his silly little negro interests of being a doctor were much less important than what a proud, generous and kind American had in mind for him!

Dikembe became a star in the NBA, and a citizen of the United States.

Which is WAY cooler than becoming a doctor and going back to Africa to provide medical care to his fellow Africans! Shit, being a doctor in Africa is LAME.

But he never forgot the land of his birth – or the duty to share his blessings with others.

THAT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!! >SNIF< Is that a duty only black people have? Or poor people? If not, what are the blessings you've shared with us, George?

He has built a brand new hospital in his hometown. "Because he's uh, uh, uh--whuzzat called? Oh yeah, a carin' human bean!" Well, that much IS cool. But he's still a whore for being your poster boy, Bush.

A friend has said of this good hearted man: "Mutombo believes that God has given him this opportunity to do great things."

"And he's right, I have--heh-heh-heh!"

And we are proud to call this son of the Congo our fellow American.

"Plus, he plays a mean b-ball!"

After her daughter was born, Julie Aigner-Clark searched for ways to share her love of music and art with her child.

"I told her to buy one of those iPod-things. I love those little guys! I don't much understand that iToon thing, though... little confusing!"

So she borrowed some equipment, and began filming children's videos in her basement.

Wow--that's kind of scary, actually... "children's videos" in the basement?

The Baby Einstein Company was born – and in just five years her business grew to more than $20 million in sales.

Ah, but they only got that big because she paid an illegal immigrant twenty-five cents a month to run the camera.

In November 2001, Julie sold Baby Einstein to the Walt Disney Company, and with her help Baby Einstein has grown into a $200 million business.

"Everyone on Earth can... whut's that called? Oh yeah--sell out!"

Julie represents the great enterprising spirit of America. And she is using her success to help others – producing child safety videos with John Walsh of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.

Was she not available to be pointed out in the hall? Hm, perhaps she wasn't enough of a whore.

Julie says of her new project: "I believe it's the most important thing that I've ever done. I believe that children have the right to live in a world that is safe." We are pleased to welcome this talented business entrepreneur and generous social entrepreneur – Julie Aigner-Clark.

Social entrepreneur and brainless, moral-free Bush supporter, apparently. Yeah, that's great that you made millions of off kids, do you want to say something about how the Iraq war is bad?

Three weeks ago, Wesley Autrey was waiting at a Harlem subway station with his two little girls, when he saw a man fall into the path of a train. With seconds to act, Wesley jumped onto the tracks ... pulled the man into a space between the rails ... and held him as the train passed right above their heads. He insists he's not a hero. Wesley says: "We got guys and girls overseas dying for us to have our freedoms. We got to show each other some love."

"You see, Wesley's fallen for my lies, hook, line and sinker. So I figured I'd reward him by blessing him with my presence."

There is something wonderful about a country that produces a brave and humble man like Wesley Autrey.

Actually, there's something completely corrupt and bad about a country that produces a man who doesn't quite get that American soldiers are in fact not dying for our freedoms in Iraq.

Tommy Rieman was a teenager pumping gas in Independence, Kentucky, when he enlisted in the United States Army.

"He also bought into our propaganda! Pretty cool, huh?"

In December 2003, he was on a reconnaissance mission in Iraq when his team came under heavy enemy fire. From his Humvee, Sergeant Rieman returned fire – and used his body as a shield to protect his gunner. He was shot in the chest and arm, and received shrapnel wounds to his legs – yet he refused medical attention, and stayed in the fight. He helped to repel a second attack, firing grenades at the enemy's position. For his exceptional courage, Sergeant Rieman was awarded the Silver Star. And like so many other Americans who have volunteered to defend us, he has earned the respect and gratitude of our whole country.

What? He's not in the room tonight? WHAT A PUSSY! Well, is he dead? Or what? Jeez, George, finish the damn story!

In such courage and compassion, ladies and gentlemen, we see the spirit and character of America – and these qualities are not in short supply.

Too bad they're non-existent in you.

This is a decent and honorable country – and resilient, too.

"Just look at much I've beaten the crap out of it!

We have been through a lot together. We have met challenges and faced dangers,

"Most of them create by and/or made worse by me!"

and we know that more lie ahead.

Ohhh, shit.

Yet we can go forward with confidence – because the State of our Union is strong ... our cause in the world is right ... and tonight that cause goes on.

Wow, he is so, so, so, very wrong. Our union is NOT strong. 37 million Americans (of 300 million) are [http://www.census.gov/hhes/www/poverty/poverty05/pov05hi.html|below the poverty line]. Our military is stretched insanely thin in the Middle East and Afghanistan. If we had a formidable enemy in the world, now would be a great time to attack us. All they'd need as proof that we're not prepared right now to defend against any real attack is Katrina. Then, there are folks in Florida who are still living in [http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/09/16/AR2005091601922.html|FEMA camps from previous storms]. Our dollar is weak, we're still horribly strung out on oil, and the world is dying under the weight of global warming--a fact that we've only recently come to accept as reality. Oh yes, and our leader insists on lying to us over and over and over again. Our union is NOT strong. Thanks for reading...

---

Orignal From: STATE OF THE EMPIRE 2007 with quips! Pt 7a