STATE OF THE EMPIRE 2007 with quips! Pt 2

Here it is! Part 2 of the SotE speech with quips! Here we go!

Unemployment is low, inflation is low, and wages are rising.

Dude--I took a pay cut when I went back to temping and it ended up being a bigger pay cut than I was told. It's been 6 months and they MIGHT give me a raise back up to where they promised.

This economy is on the move – and our job is to keep it that way, not with more government but with more enterprise.

So. less regulation on business, right? Let them get away with even more crap and when we do bother to prosecute let them spend even less to buy us off--I mean--pay fines. The economy is NOT on the move. How do I know this? I'm at the low end of said economy. If I could afford all of my cool gadgets AND a car AND a kid, then I might believe you. But telling us anything but that the economy is still in rough shape is to lie to us.

Next week, I will deliver a full report on the state of our economy. Tonight, I want to discuss three economic reforms that deserve to be priorities for this Congress.

Oo, let me guess! Spend, spend and tax!

First, we must balance the federal budget. We can do so without raising taxes.

So, should we read your lips? Yeah, that's what your dad said...

What we need to do is impose spending discipline in Washington, D.C.

Does anyone else find this as absurd coming from him as I do??? Who just dropped $500 billion as a down payment on another country's civil war???

We set a goal of cutting the deficit in half by 2009 – and met that goal three years ahead of schedule.

Didn't Clinton get rid of the deficit completely? Didn't we have a surplus with him? Why is it Regan gets better as history moves on while Clinton gets worse?

Now let us take the next step. In the coming weeks, I will submit a budget that eliminates the federal deficit within the next five years.

HA! How are you going to do that? Rob the central banks of a dozen 3rd world countries? o_O Oh shit--you're going to have the IMF do your dirty work for you, aren't you?

I ask you to make the same commitment. Together, we can restrain the spending appetite of the federal government, and balance the federal budget.

"We'll start by cutting funding for the Iraq war." "SIKE!"

Next, there is the matter of earmarks. These special interest items are often slipped into bills at the last hour – when not even C-SPAN is watching.

Sadly, C-SPAN is usually the only one paying attention. Also: Republicans add last minute shit, too.

In 2005 alone, the number of earmarks grew to over 13,000 and totaled nearly $18 billion. Even worse, over 90 percent of earmarks never make it to the floor of the House and Senate – they are dropped into Committee reports that are not even part of the bill that arrives on my desk. You did not vote them into law. I did not sign them into law. Yet they are treated as if they have the force of law.

Just like YOU!

The time has come to end this practice. So let us work together to reform the budget process ... expose every earmark to the light of day and to a vote in Congress … and cut the number and cost of earmarks at least in half by the end of this session.

Sounds great! Of course, hydrogen cars and a mission to Mars sounded great, too.

Finally, to keep this economy strong we must take on the challenge of entitlements.

To "keep this economy strong"??? I was unaware it was strong at all. You said it was "growing" not strong. I think this is the inverse of a straw man argument.

Social Security and Medicare and Medicaid are commitments of conscience – and so it is our duty to keep them permanently sound.

Oh, let's not talk about privatizing Social Security again!

Yet we are failing in that duty – and this failure will one day leave our children with three bad options: huge tax increases, huge deficits, or huge and immediate cuts in benefits.

As opposed to what we're all facing now--two out of three of those things.

Everyone in this Chamber knows this to be true – yet somehow we have not found it in ourselves to act.

That's pretty funny coming from the dude that's done most of the spending in the past, oh, six years!

So let us work together and do it now. With enough good sense and good will, you and I can fix Medicare and Medicaid – and save Social Security.

"Just like I brought freedom to Iraq!" Seriously, can we call Dr. McCoy and have this guy declared unfit to command this starship, now please? Beyond the fact that this guy has screwed up so much already, how's he going to do all that other stuff, anyway?

Spreading opportunity and hope in America also requires public schools that give children the knowledge and character they need in life.

So, vouchers should be given out so kids don't have to go to public schools?

Five years ago, we rose above partisan differences to pass the No Child Left Behind Act – preserving local control, raising standards in public schools, and holding those schools accountable for results.

Isn't that the one you had to shoot propaganda video about that pretended the NCLBA was working fine because it actually wasn't? I just love it when you point to a failure and call it a success. With the frequency you do it we're almost forced to redefine the term "doublespeak". Seriously--Orwell could only dream of someone thise deceitful.

And because we acted, students are performing better in reading and math, and minority students are closing the achievement gap.

You want to back that up with some facts? I heard NCLB is still lacking the funds it needs to function, let alone succeed. OK, that's it for today's installment of Quipping to the State of the Empire 2007! Stop by tomorrow for another thrilling edition!

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Orignal From: STATE OF THE EMPIRE 2007 with quips! Pt 2