STATE OF THE EMPIRE 2007 with quips! Pt 4

HERE WE GO! Part 4 of the State of the Empire 2007 speech with quips!! WAHOOOO!! Here is our illustrious leader, once again!

When laws and borders are routinely violated, this harms the interests of our country. To secure our border, we are doubling the size of the Border Patrol – and funding new infrastructure and technology.

Because clearly, a secure border stops terror attacks inside the US. Oh wait. We haven't a secure border in all of American history, yet we've suffered a surprisingly few number of terror attacks. Hm, it must be that secure borders don't mean shit.

Yet even with all these steps, we cannot fully secure the border unless we take pressure off the border – and that requires a temporary worker program.

So, no talk of the real reason for illegal immigration? See, the deal is simple: American businesses can't afford to pay American workers what they need to survive. But "illegals" don't need as much money as Americans do, apparently. It's not that Americans won't do the jobs, it's that they won't do them for the pay offered. Why can't they be offered the wages they need? Because businesses can't make (as much of) a profit if they paid enough to Americans. Why will paying more cut into there profits so much? The US dollar is weak. Why is that? It's because, contrary to what Bush says, our economy is NOT strong and, in fact, grows weaker by the day. Ever notice how inflation slows but never reverses? Yeah, that's bad and no one ever talks about it, probably so we all end up the frog in the pot of water being brought to a slow boil.

We should establish a legal and orderly path for foreign workers to enter our country to work on a temporary basis.

If only they had one of these back in the slavery days! That is what this stuff most reminds me of, btw, slavery. Hell, if we had something that organized foreign workers to come in and perform menial tasks back in the 1600s, 1700s and 1800s, we might still have slavery today! COOL! /sarcasm

As a result, they won't have to try to sneak in – and that will leave border agents free to chase down drug smugglers, and criminals, and terrorists.

Ummm... I don't think they're too busy with stopping illegals that they can't stop more serious criminals. If so, they're still missing a LOT of illegals coming in since, somehow, illegals make up a lot of our economy.

We will enforce our immigration laws at the worksite, and give employers the tools to verify the legal status of their workers – so there is no excuse left for violating the law.

Oh, COME ON, GEORGE! Isn't there always an excuse to violate the law? You of all people should know that! Even if there had been WMD in Iraq, unless Saddam used them on us or one of our allies, the Iraq attack would still have been illegal!

We need to uphold the great tradition of the melting pot that welcomes and assimilates new arrivals.

And then cordons them off in ghettos and exploits them for cheap(er) labor allowing only those who are willing to play the class-superiority game to advance to higher class-levels. Seriously. Have a look at American society from the beginning. There have always been the poor and the rich. Only in the 1900s did there grow a strong middle-class and now many people believe it's dying out.

And we need to resolve the status of the illegal immigrants who are already in our country – without animosity and without amnesty.

Awww! Isn't that cute? He alliterated!!

Convictions run deep in this Capitol

WHAT??? o_O CRIMINAL CONVICTIONS?? CONVICTIONS OF ANY KIND? Now I know you're lying to us!

when it comes to immigration.

Naw, I think it's just that no lobbyist has been able to afford to buy every single politician off. That's a lot of campaign "donations."

Let us have a serious, civil, and conclusive debate – so that you can pass, and I can sign, comprehensive immigration reform into law.

It's easy to wish for the impossible when you believe God speaks to you!

Extending hope and opportunity depends on a stable supply of energy that keeps America's economy running and America's environment clean.

Uh-oh, he's just mentioned the environment. Time to start talking about OIL. Now, I've heard he wants us to limit how much gas we use in our cars--but that's a little bit like the best friend of a cocaine dealer saying "hey, don't snort so much." He's got to have an ulterior motive or is just lying to make you feel good--maybe that's his ulterior motive. Why don't I believe in his intentions to help get us off foreign oil? Two words: hydrogen cars. No, I will never let them drop. He promised us our kids would be driving them and I just bet he won't even mention hydrogen in the rest of his speech. Let's find out!

For too long our Nation has been dependent on foreign oil.

Due, almost completely, to the fact that no alternatives were ever developed by big business. Small business can't just wish an alternative energy system into existence. It takes big bucks that only big corporations can afford. But please, kind King, pray continue...

And this dependence leaves us more vulnerable to hostile regimes, and to terrorists – who could cause huge disruptions of oil shipments ... raise the price of oil ... and do great harm to our economy.

Too bad we have a HUGE chunk of our economy wrapped up in oil. Ever hear of petrodollars, George? A [wiki: petrodollar], put simply, is a dollar used to buy oil. For ages OPEC members (countries that produce oil) had signed an agreement to only use US dollars to trade oil. As in, anyone wanting to buy oil from an OPEC nation had to do it with US dollars. Hence the nickname petrodollars. Now think about how much oil is bought around the world. Yeah, that's a LOT of US dollars. Now imagine if alternative technology was developed. Yeah, that HUGE amount of US dollars would stop being bought around the world causing our currency to drop in value, thus, ruining our economy. This is the real reason we'll never get off oil (and I mean never).

It is in our vital interest to diversify America's energy supply

Actually, it's the exact opposite. But go ahead and continue lying to us.

– and the way forward is through technology. We must continue changing the way America generates electric power – by even greater use of clean coal technology ... solar and wind energy ... and clean, safe nuclear power.

Ah, there it is! Even if the US dollar is worthless, Bush will have so many of them it won't matter. Why will he have so many? Because he's in the back pocket of the nuke energy interests almost as much as he is in the back pocket of big oil and big weapons. Or maybe he'll accept campaign "donations" in euros.

We need to press on with battery research for plug-in and hybrid vehicles, and expand the use of clean diesel vehicles and biodiesel fuel. We must continue investing in new methods of producing ethanol – using everything from wood chips, to grasses, to agricultural wastes.

WHAT ABOUT SWITCH GRASS???

We have made a lot of progress, thanks to good policies in Washington and the strong response of the market.

And that global warming thing.

Now even more dramatic advances are within reach. Tonight, I ask Congress to join me in pursuing a great goal. Let us build on the work we have done and reduce gasoline usage in the United States by 20 percent in the next ten years

OOOOOOOO!! DO WE DARE!?!? 20 whole percent!! WOW! That will allow the effects of global warming to be 20 percent weaker! But our planet's climate will continue to change dramatically, anyway. I mean, seriously--20 percent less of a blizzard in the UK is still going to be 80 percent more than what they're used to.

– thereby cutting our total imports by the equivalent of three-quarters of all the oil we now import from the Middle East.

Of course, we still import from Venezuela and Africa. :)

To reach this goal, we must increase the supply of alternative fuels, by setting a mandatory Fuels Standard to require 35 billion gallons of renewable and alternative fuels in 2017 –

How many gallons of sunlight will be needed? How many gallons of wind power? Why do I think you haven't really done your research?

this is nearly five times the current target.

Which must be pretty damn low since he's bragging about his target being so much higher.

At the same time, we need to reform and modernize fuel economy standards for cars the way we did for light trucks

I thought trucks still got shitty gas mileage. Yeah, George, you really didn't even check out Wikipedia.org before you showed up for this speech, did you?

– and conserve up to eight and a half billion more gallons of gasoline by 2017.

Which sounds impressive until you consider that 2017 is a decade away and we're already seeing wild changes in climate around the world. Hell, last year saw the first trip to the north pole...by boat.

Achieving these ambitious goals will dramatically reduce our dependence on foreign oil, but will not eliminate it.

Awww, I bet you're so disappointed!

So as we continue to diversify our fuel supply, we must also step up domestic oil production in environmentally sensitive ways.

Wait--step up domestic oil production?? HAVE YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION, GEORGE?? OIL=BAD Jesus, you're thick!

And to further protect America against severe disruptions to our oil supply, I ask Congress to double the current capacity of the Strategic Petroleum Reserve.

As opposed to asking Congress to pass bills that would provide funding/incentive to private businesses to come up with alternatives to needing oil. Dude--imagine if instead of dropping $500+ billion on the oh-so-successful wars in Iraq and Afghanistan we, instead sank that money into alternative energy research? With that much money spent we might be able to not be able to solve our energy problems but we might solve the petrodollar problem, too! $500 billion!

America is on the verge of technological breakthroughs that will enable us to live our lives less dependent on oil.

BUT STILL DEPENDENT!! ^_^

These technologies will help us become better stewards of the environment – and they will help us to confront the serious challenge of global climate change.

And then we'll be big boys and girls and wear adult pants!

A future of hope and opportunity requires a fair, impartial system of justice.

WHOA! Another ricochet transition! Man, I think I'll sue the speech writer for verbal whiplash!

The lives of citizens across our Nation are affected by the outcome of cases pending in our federal courts.

"At least, that's what I've been told to tell you."

And we have a shared obligation to ensure that the federal courts have enough judges to hear those cases and deliver timely rulings. As President, I have a duty to nominate qualified men and women to vacancies on the federal bench. And the United States Senate has a duty as well – to give those nominees a fair hearing, and a prompt up-or-down vote on the Senate floor.

So, don't be too thorough is what you're saying to Congress.

For all of us in this room, there is no higher responsibility than to protect the people of this country from danger.

"Even if we have to make up the danger--wait! Damn! How'd that get in there?"

Five years have come and gone since we saw the scenes and felt the sorrow that terrorists can cause.

Since then, we've seen the scenes and felt the sorrow that a totally botched foreign occupation can cause. SO?

We have had time to take stock of our situation.

Yes, but HAVE YOU?

We have added many critical protections to guard the homeland.

Oh come on! Just admit you've built [http://www.progressive.org/mag_rcb041706|concentration camps] !! ADMIT IT!! YOU KNOW YOU WANNA!! "The homeland." Sheesh. Too bad I'm not allowed to compare Bush to Hitler and or the Nazis any more. The comparison is so fair!! All right, that's it for now! Come back tomorrow for PART 5!! Sorry folks, this thing just keeps on going!!

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Orignal From: STATE OF THE EMPIRE 2007 with quips! Pt 4