EXCLUSIVE: FULL STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH Tue Jan 23 2007 20:20:50 ET [EMBARGOED UNTIL DELIVERY ]What the hell does that mean, Drudge? You're bragging because you got a copy of the speech early? Sheesh. That's important until, you know, Bush gives his speech.
Madam Speaker, Vice President Cheney, Members of Congress, distinguished guests, and fellow citizens:WHAT A GUY! He called us "fellow" citizens!! As if he was one of us! He is the divine and holy King George the Foolhardy! How modest of him to call us all fellow citizens! On a serious note: What? Does he think the rest of the world isn't his domain and that they aren't listening tonight?
This rite of custom brings us together at a defining hour –"Happy Hour!" "Heh-heh! That's a joke from my drinking days... I called them Monday and Tuesday--OF THIS WEEK!! HEH-HEH!!"
when decisions are hard and courage is tested.He forgot stupidity!
We enter the year 2007 with large endeavors underway, and others that are ours to begin. In all of this, much is asked of us. We must have the will to face difficult challenges and determined enemies – and the wisdom to face them together.Yay, enemies! Wait--no. Who are our enemies again? The insurgents, Al Qaeda, the Iranians, the Syrians, the Iraqis... damn, I can't keep 'em all straight!
Some in this Chamber are new to the House and Senate – and I congratulate the Democratic majority.That's all right, they're already making it pretty easy on you what with impeachment being off the table. Personally, I think it should be taken out of the dog bowl and served to you on a silver platter, but that's just me (and [http://impeachnow.org/|a few other people]).
Congress has changed, but our responsibilities have not. Each of us is guided by our own convictions – and to these we must stay faithful.Not if they're batshit insane, man! Let's march all over the Middle East and force our way of life on them! WEEEEE!! It'll be just like the Crusades! Only this time we'll kick those Arabs asses!!
Yet we are all held to the same standards, and called to serve the same good purposes: To extend this Nation's prosperity ......with no regard for human rights or the physical well-being of the people who might aggressively disagree with us.
to spend the people's money wisely ...HA!!! That's RICH coming from a guy who is now spending $8 billion a month on a war for WMD that DON'T EXIST.
to solve problems,"That I created--how'd that get in there?"
not leave them to future generations ...Dude, that's exactly what you want to do, man! You want to extend this thing until 2008 so you can leave it to the next guy in the White House.
to guard America against all evil,YAY! MORE BLACK & WHITE TERMS, OVERSIMPLIFYING THE WORLD SO THAT WE DUMB AMERICANS CAN FEEL JUSTIFIED IN KILLING INNOCENT PEOPLE!! It must be nice living in a world where you can see pure evil and then kill it... You know, without having to give it a trial just in case, you know, you're wrong.
and to keep faith with those we have sent forth to defend us.You mean there are some left? We haven't used them all up? Actually, I'm pretty sure that every member of the American military probably deserves a good year away from Iraq by now...
We are not the first to come here with government divided and uncertainty in the air.What the hell does that mean? "Uncertainty?" I don't think there's anything uncertain about you fucking things up again, my friend. In fact, it doesn't get much more certain than that!
Like many before us, we can work through our differences,Not until you face war crimes charges!
and achieve big things for the American people."Big things?" Like what? Are you going to give everyone free cars? That would be OPRAHRIFIC!
Our citizens don't much care which side of the aisle we sit on – as long as we are willing to cross that aisle when there is work to be done.Isn't it cute? He thinks people still like him! Awwww!
Our job is to make life better for our fellow Americans, and help them to build a future of hope and opportunity – and this is the business before us tonight.BUSINESS--that's why we're in Iraq--to make money for your business buddies. Sorry, was I not supposed to go there this early in the speech?
A future of hope and opportunity begins with a growing economy – and that is what we have.COUGHbullshitCOUGH
We are now in the 41st month of uninterrupted job growth – in a recovery that has created 7.2 million new jobs ... so far.Tell us why you're not lying to us. Seriously. You've lied about buckets of other stuff--why is this the truth now? OK, that's it for part 1. Part 2 comes tomorrow! WAHOO!
Orignal From: STATE OF THE EMPIRE 2007 with quips! Part 1
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