Thursday, January 25, 2007

STATE OF THE EMPIRE 2007 with quips! Pt 3

Here we are with PART 3 of the State of the Empire speech from King George the Foolhardy, complete with TheQuips from ThePete! ENJOY!
Now the task is to build on this success, without watering down standards ...
Standards??? Are you sure those are a good idea? I mean, we might have to fire you if we had those for, you know, you.
without taking control from local communities ... and without backsliding and calling it reform. We can lift student achievement even higher by giving local leaders flexibility to turn around failing schools ... and by giving families with children stuck in failing schools the right to choose something better.
AND COOKIES FOR EVERYONE! It must be so cool to be able to just spout off the most positive shit that passes through your brain without needing anything to back it up.
We must increase funds for students who struggle – and make sure these children get the special help they need.
That sure would be nice!
And we can make sure our children are prepared for the jobs of the future, and our country is more competitive, by strengthening math and science skills.
Wouldn't it be "And we can make sure THAT our children are prepared for the jobs of the future, SO our country is more competitive-- Wait--that sentence is all messed up. Let's try this: "By strengthening math and science skills we can make sure that our children are prepared for the jobs of the future and that our country is more competitive." Much better. Man, doesn't anyone read this crap before he shows up at the podium???
The No Child Left Behind Act has worked for America's children – and I ask Congress to reauthorize this good law.
AGAIN: you got some facts/numbers to back this absurd claim up?
A future of hope and opportunity requires that all our citizens have affordable and available healthcare.
Yeah, I like my healthcare to be "available" too. o_O
When it comes to healthcare, government has an obligation to care for the elderly, the disabled, and poor children. We will meet those responsibilities.
"But all you low-income adults, you don't deserve good health! So, FUCK OFF!"
For all other Americans, private health insurance is the best way to meet their needs. But many Americans cannot afford a health insurance policy.
Wait. So, what good is a "strong economy" if we all can't afford healthcare? Perhaps you could give us all free cable and Internet so we could spend that money on healthcare?
Tonight, I propose two new initiatives to help more Americans afford their own insurance.
"But don't worry, like all of my initiatives, I won't be doing anything with them. Remember that hydrogen car?"
First, I propose a standard tax deduction for health insurance that will be like the standard tax deduction for dependents. Families with health insurance will pay no income or payroll taxes on $15,000 of their income. Single Americans with health insurance will pay no income or payroll taxes on $7,500 of their income.
Wow! With the money I save I can go buy a PS3!! OK, a Wii?
With this reform, more than 100 million men, women, and children who are now covered by employer-provided insurance will benefit from lower tax bills.
Once more: TELL ME WHY WE SHOULD BELIEVE YOU.
At the same time, this reform will level the playing field for those who do not get health insurance through their job.
Why not just do what most other countries in the world do and give out free healthcare to people with Social Security numbers? All this tax shit is just slight-of-hand to me. I'm not an idiot therefore I don't trust you making tax credits and cuts sound like a good thing when really a complete overhaul of the system is required. Hey, we are the only 1st world nation that doesn't give free healthcare to its citizens. If our economy is so "strong" why can't we afford to do this? Answer: It's not about the economy, it's about big business telling goverment what to do even if it harms the American people.
For Americans who now purchase health insurance on their own, my proposal would mean a substantial tax savings – $4,500 for a family of four making $60,000 a year. And for the millions of other Americans who have no health insurance at all, this deduction would help put a basic private health insurance plan within their reach.
Or a PS3.
Changing the tax code is a vital and necessary step to making healthcare affordable for more Americans.
This is true but not the way youlre thinking.
My second proposal is to help the states that are coming up with innovative ways to cover the uninsured. States that make basic private health insurance available to all their citizens should receive federal funds to help them provide this coverage to the poor and the sick.
Won't this mean more taxes for the rest of us? How are you going to provide tax breaks AND funding to states without raising taxes?
I have asked the Secretary of Health and Human Services to work with Congress to take existing federal funds and use them to create "Affordable Choices" grants.
More rhetoric! "Affordable Choices"--sounds like some sort of diet plan.
These grants would give our Nation's governors more money and more flexibility to get private health insurance to those most in need.
As usual, sounds great but when you've screwed so many other things up...
There are many other ways that Congress can help.
BAKE SALES!
We need to expand Health Savings Accounts ... help small businesses through Association Health Plans ... reduce costs and medical errors with better information technology ... encourage price transparency ... and protect good doctors from junk lawsuits by passing medical liability reform.
Ah, yes. We should help businesses by hurting citizens' right to sue. Why should a person who has suffered under a doctor's mistake be limited to how much he can sue? Seems pretty lopsided, in favor of big business.
And in all we do, we must remember that the best healthcare decisions are made not by government and insurance companies, but by patients and their doctors.
Aw, you say that like you actually mean it! Extending hope and opportunity in our country requires an immigration system worthy of America – with laws that are fair and borders that are secure. Whoa!! Talk about a sudden right-hand turn! One moment we're discussing healthcare and the next immigration. I think I hurt my neck! Hey, isn't "healthcare" two words? Ah well, that's it for today! Swing by tomorrow for more fun quipping to the King's State of the Empire speech!

Orignal From: STATE OF THE EMPIRE 2007 with quips! Pt 3

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